The Dream Partner

[caption id="attachment_428" align="alignright" width="300"]Looking for a Boyfriend Looking for a Boyfriend[/caption]

“I'm looking for a boyfriend” – you often read this sentence in forums and personal ads, and it's the ultimate girlhood dream. But then the dreams take a strange turn: he should have blue eyes, blond hair and a slim face. He should be good-looking and well-trained, and ideally prove it right away with a photo. Every time, this raises a few questions for me:

What Are We Looking For?

If you were looking for a dog, I could understand requirements like these. Our beloved four-legged friends are often chosen by their looks. But is that the most important thing in a boyfriend? I don't think so. I'm looking for a boyfriend who can laugh and cry with me, who celebrates my successes with me and mourns with me when something goes wrong in my life. He stands by me in difficult times and moves mountains to help me. If he doesn't do that, he isn't a friend, just an acquaintance.

Why Are We Looking?

A description like the one above makes me think people are really looking for some fabulous object. What matters is the outward picture and how others perceive the partner at first glance. I, on the other hand, am looking for a boyfriend who fits my personality and can charm me with his pleasant nature, someone I can enjoy every day to the fullest and with whom any topic is fun. If he's beautiful on the outside but ugly on the inside, he's not good enough for me.

How Honest Are We Being?

An ad like that can't be particularly honest. I'm looking for a boyfriend because the person matters to me, because I want to spend a good time with him, because I don't want to be alone and because he's worth it. If I go only by outward criteria, then what matters to me isn't togetherness but the idea of having a trophy partner. Then I have plenty of time to browse and pick my partners as if from a picture catalog. If I can afford that kind of time, I'm not ready for a serious relationship.

What matters in a relationship is a loving togetherness. With the right partner, even a TV evening on the couch is cozy and relaxing. If he suits me, it's because of his character and all of his virtues, quirks and rough edges that I love. Outward beauty is just the icing on the cake. And as we know, it lies in the eye of the beholder.